America's Uncle
He brought us comfort and humor.
When I was a kid, I’d watch television shows and movies and I didn’t take much notice of the artists behind the camera.
I didn’t know who directed this and who wrote that and what studio was behind it and how it did at the box office; I simply knew what I enjoyed watching and was glad someone made it.
As I got older and acknowledged these projects don’t just come together by osmosis and began taking notice of careers and filmographies, connecting the dots became an unexpected treat.
This was never more true than with Rob Reiner.
When I was 10-years-old, my favorite movie was “The American President” (1995, dir. Rob Reiner), the spiritual precursor to “The West Wing” (both were written by Aaron Sorkin and share numerous actors between them).
For my money, it’s tops as far as comfort flicks go. It’s warm and funny and hopeful and smart. There are few movies more attuned to the vibe of hygge. Imagine being wrapped up in a big hug on a plush couch by someone you love and admire on a cold day.
Around the same time, I got this old cassette tape from a box of junk a neighbor left out on the curb. It was the bestselling soundtrack to “When Harry Met Sally…” (1989, dir. Rob Reiner). I hadn’t yet seen the movie, which wasn’t exactly age-appropriate.
But I took that cassette and propped it up on my bedroom windowsill. I was obsessed with the cover photo. Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal—impossibly mature and sophisticated to my 10-year-old mind—are standing there with the golden autumn behind them in Central Park. Long before I saw the movie, that one image became aspirational for me.
Last year, after the election, I took a break from everything. I left my laptop and phone completely dormant, didn’t answer any texts or emails, and for a week, I did nothing but watch romcoms. It was an emergency detox. I rewatched “When Harry Met Sally…” three or four times in that span. Escape and comfort. Reiner and Ephron and more hygge.
As God is my witness, I will be forever grateful that I saw “The Princess Bride” (1987, dir. Rob Reiner) when I was a pre-teen. I don’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point, self-aware irony in American entertainment went from an art form to a lazy and cynical cop-out — and then, sadly, synonymous with the very worst aspects of the cool kids table.
Yet, in this flick, it is all art and beautifully earnest even in its most knowing winks. Mr. Reiner and screenwriter William Goldman gave us a masterpiece of heart and demonstrated what it means to be proudly clever and unapologetically loving without sacrificing either. Another perfect comfort movie — arguably the greatest comfort movie of all-time. All hygge.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen “A Few Good Men” (1992, dir. Rob Reiner), which is, somehow, still weirdly underrated — far and away one of the best movies to be thoroughly snubbed at both the Oscars and the Golden Globes. If there’s a military courtroom thriller that can also be counted as an unlikely comfort movie, this is the one.
Oh god, what about “Stand By Me” (1986, dir. Rob Reiner)? These days, it holds a status of great reverence for anyone over the age of 35, but did you know Mr. Reiner’s direction was deemed uneven by some reviewers upon its release? Utterly insane. I don’t know what the hell those folks were watching. There is something so deeply spiritual about this film that it feels anointed. Bittersweet hygge.
I’ve had this tiny fantasy since my mid-20s that I would someday meet Mr. Reiner, and I would tell him all this — as though he’s never heard it all before. I’d ask him if he ever reflects on the fact that he created some of the greatest films across numerous genres. I’d thank him for his earnestness and humor and loving nature, all of which shone through in his artistry.
I’d tell him how many times Ol’ Meathead made me laugh during his arguments with Archie, and I might have been enough of a dork in that moment to ask if he, too, puts on one sock and shoe at a time — perhaps the only moment during the entire run of “All in the Family” that I found myself in total agreement with Archie.
What I’d be too embarrassed to tell him is that I personally thought he became America’s Uncle by acclamation. When you saw Mr. Reiner pop up in a project, you felt an immediate sense of comfort. Without it ever being obvious or cloying, he offered the feeling of safety and warmth and a healthy amount of mischievousness with his presence.
He felt completely genuine, and he made it look so easy. Was there anyone in all of entertainment more equipped to offer sincere words of encouragement and a hilarious, bawdy joke in the same exchange? I’m not so sure.
He was the uncle who wasn’t afraid to tell you what you needed to hear but would always have your back. I wonder how many folks remember that Mr. Reiner was one of the co-founders of the American Foundation for Equal Rights, which was created to challenge California’s Prop 8, the ballot initiative that became an intended state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.
When same-sex marriage was still years away from majority acceptance in our country, there was America’s Uncle, straight as can be, demanding a future in which LGBTQ families be given a full stake in the American Dream and hurry the fuck up on that, please and thank you.
God, this one hurts. I hate how much it hurts. I hate this ending. This is not supposed to be how it ends.
My thoughts are with the family and friends of Mr. Reiner and Michele Singer. They deserved so much better than this.
May their memories be a blessing.
You reached right into the heart with this one.
Lovely tribute. Stand By Me holds a special place in my heart. Also one of the best adaptations of a Stephen King short story.