An Open Letter to Chad the Soccer Dad
A few things, Chad.
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Chad, we don’t know each other.
You are a certain type of father who has a daughter on a girls’ sports team somewhere in the United States.
You are not representative of all fathers. You are very loud in your opinions and must make them known to every breathing soul within your immediate orbit, online or offline. Mostly online.
Your name isn’t necessarily Chad. It could be any name, but I needed something to call you and ‘Chad’ feels right. I apologize to innocent fathers named Chad who are catching strays in this missive.
Chad, I’m a trans woman with complicated thoughts on trans youth in sports. I played sports growing up (badly). I play recreational sports as an adult (still badly). I’ve been a sportsball fan all my life. I love sports.
I don’t support blanket bans on trans girls in sports, but I do support common sense restrictions for trans girls participating. Controversially, I think fairness and inclusion can exist simultaneously in girls’ sports and women’s sports.
I think the obsession with trans girls in sports is weird and reductive and constantly ill-framed and often feels like a proxy for the general discomfort some people have with trans girls simply existing rather than a good faith concern over girls’ sports.
I also acknowledge it’s complicated and a lot of people actually do have fair concerns and fair questions and don’t have an issue with trans girls in sports but want fairness.
I don’t have a beef with that second group of folks. They’re reasonable, good people.
My beef is with you, Chad. I don’t think you genuinely care about girls’ sports. I think you’ve spent most of your life looking down on all girls in sports.
I think, until you had a daughter, you saw girls’ sports as a frivolous extracurricular that didn’t deserve equal respect and funding. I think you’ve probably whined about the U.S. Women’s National Team demanding equal pay. And I know this, Chad, because I’ve known men like you all my life who said exactly those things.
I think when your daughter began playing sports, Chad, you suddenly had a personal stake, which is to say you could suddenly claim credit for whatever one particular girl accomplished in sports.
Suddenly, girls’ sports—at least as far as your daughter was concerned—weren’t frivolous and undeserving but an extension of your massive yet fragile ego.
Like I said, Chad, this issue is complicated, and I think there are lot of reasonable and empathetic people who can talk about their respectful disagreements over trans youth in sports and reach a middle ground based on common sense.
You are not one of them, Chad, and although there are a number of aspects about this topic that deserve good faith conversation, there’s one absurd claim you keep saying publicly to anyone who will listen—or typing in ALL CAPS online—that just makes me shake my head in secondhand embarrassment:
"These biological boys are going to take away athletic scholarships from real girls who work hard! What about my daughter’s scholarship?! It's an outrage!"
Okay, two things, Chad:
Trans girls don't get athletic scholarships. They just don't. They never did.
Even before this whole avalanche-of-shit debate over trans youth in sports started, trans girls weren't receiving athletic scholarships.
There's, like, one confirmed instance I'm aware of in which an openly-trans young woman earned a college athletic scholarship — out of the ~1.2 million young women who have received college athletic scholarships in the U.S. over the past 15 years.
Look up the numbers, Chad. It’s not a thing. It was never a thing.
But here’s what you really need to know, Chad, and it pains me to say it.
I didn't wanna be the one to have to tell you this and Lord knows it isn't her fault, but your kid isn't getting an athletic scholarship anyway.
Your kid isn't great at soccer, Chad.
She's okay. She's fine. She's perfectly adequate for a decent high school team, but no college is going to pay your daughter’s tuition to come play soccer for them.
I'm sorry. I know it sucks to hear that, but it's the truth.
If there were a universal ban on trans girls in sports tomorrow—hell, if there a blanket ban on trans girls existing tomorrow—your daughter still wouldn’t be good enough at soccer and she would still never be in danger of earning a college athletic scholarship.
If your daughter works really hard, she might get selected as a walk-on for a particularly needy Division II program and even then, she's only getting substantial playing time if most of her teammates suffer debilitating, season-ending injuries.
And even then, Chad, the coaches will probably break a few laws by forcing some poor young woman with a torn ACL to play before they'll turn their lonely eyes to your daughter on the bench in a clutch situation.
The coaches would probably explore the remote possibilities of a Roomba run on ChatGPT as a suitable substitute player before they’d ever consider your daughter when the chips are down.
The only way your daughter is getting near the field at an NWSL game is with a premium season ticket package.
And she's actually fine with that. Because your daughter is cool. She doesn’t derive her worth from her athletic performance. She probably wonders why you do.
She knows what she wants, and she knows this is really all about you and your discomfort with the mere existence of trans girls and your massive ago and your psychotic need to dominate and control everyone around you.
I hope this helps, Chad.
A few years back, a former colleague of mine was getting a bit assertive on my LinkedIn posts in my advocacy on behalf a group of our citizens -- who have should have as full of rights as any citizen. Of course, this was for trans young people and the ability to take part in the full education experience, like every young person should. All of sudden, this former colleague (who served in Trump's first administration), became the biggest advocate of women's sports in general He was "Chad" despite his name being different. While I never had interest in sports in school (or perhaps talent), what is wrong with any kid wanting to participate? NOTHING. Yet, the Chads of the world seem to make this a huge issue -- and I've not heard any thing from them about the lowering standards for all kids reading and math scores, the burnout from teachers (who are among the lowest paid and most noble of professions), or even the Education Sec'y with no education experience who mistook A.I. for a steak sauce. Chad, I wish I could have played on sports field -- but I didn't want to be bullied for my lack of athletic prowess. Don't bully kids who want to play. It will make sports more open to everyon.
As a NH resident where a group of people is suing a school district so they can wear their anti-trans bracelets to sporting events WHERE THEIR KIDS ARE NOT EVEN INVOLVED, I am grateful for your wise words. Roomba run on ChatGpt.