Authorities Detain and Execute Non-Citizen

Local carpenter put to death.

(image credit: Robertus Pudyanto // Getty Images)

---

JUDEA — Today, local authorities executed a non-citizen just outside the walls of Jerusalem on the vague charge of treason against Caesar.

Jesus of Nazareth, 33, was publicly detained last night by law enforcement, although it’s unclear if a reason for the arrest was given at the time. Police were reportedly tipped off to the man’s location by a friend in exchange for a cash reward.

The accused had entered through Jerusalem’s Eastern Gate this past Sunday on a donkey, accompanied by friends and admirers, many of whom referred to him as “Rabbi,” although his profession was carpentry, which may suggest he lied about his clerical qualifications.

Although Jesus of Nazareth technically had legal status to reside in Judea, he lacked protections from arbitrary punishments by the government.

Because he was raised in a working class, Jewish family in Galilee, he was not accorded the privileged legal protections of Roman citizens, and thus, he was not entitled to due process after his arrest, nor was he exempt from capital punishment after being declared guilty of treason by Gov. Pontius Pilate, despite a lack of evidence to support the charge.

The carpenter was publicly tortured by law enforcement for hours before being led through the city streets, past large crowds of bystanders, under the heavy weight of a wooden crucifix to a local site on a hill called Golgotha. There, he was nailed by the hands and feet to the crucifix and left to die by authorities.

The woodworker had been growing in popularity throughout the region, attracting throngs of crowds who came to hear him speak on a variety of hot button issues, from insisting on grace regarding immigration to condemning exorbitant wealth.

He initially attracted widespread attention in the area, in part, for offering free and comprehensive health care to the sick and openly defying the practice of stoning those accused of religious impropriety.

At least one government source suggested that Gov. Pilate had significant doubts as to the guilt of Jesus of Nazareth. The source claims the governor privately concluded no crime had been committed but feared what may happen to himself if he took the side of a non-citizen unpopular with those in power.

Despite being criticized in some quarters for the execution, Gov. Pilate publicly rejected claims that the man was falsely charged and denied any injustice for his role in the matter.

“I am innocent of this man’s blood.”

It remains unclear what—if anything—his followers intend to do in the wake of his death. According to some sources, he will be interred in a nearby tomb, which is to be permanently sealed.

---