The Expectations of Matt Damon

Not all growth is equal.

[For those who want to listen to this on-the-go, the audio version should be up on Apple’s podcast website soon. You can also listen here.]

This past weekend, The Sunday Times published an interview with Matt Damon in which the global film star and humanitarian said that he had recently only stopped using the word “faggot” (for those who have no contact with the outside world, that’s an infamously anti-gay slur) after he told a “joke” with the term and his daughter wrote a “treatise” asking him to stop using it.

I’m not making this up. Here’s the actual bit from the interview:

Last night, following quite a bit of social media controversy over the revelation, Damon released a statement insisting that he’s never used the word “faggot” (he said “f-slur” in the statement) in his “personal life” and gave a rather interesting explanation for it, the quote which I’ll post in full here out of fairness:

Look, I like Matt Damon a lot, and so, I don’t want what I’m about to say to be taken as some call for a boycott of his work. That’s not what I’m trying to do here. When these moments happen, it’s important to unpack what’s going on. We all need to be open to learning and preventing things like this in the future.

So, right off the top, let’s be honest here: Matt Damon has clearly said “faggot” recently, and we know this because he told an interviewer on-the-record that he said “faggot” in a joke in a manner that made his daughter leave the table and write him a primer on how not to be a homophobic asshole.

I don’t know what the hell he and his reps are doing with that clarification statement, which asks us not to believe something he clearly said in the interview. And also, it just doesn’t feel like it was written by him.

And also: I still wanna know what “joke” he told his daughter at the dinner table that included the word “faggot”?

There are some who believe—and I must admit this crossed my mind, too—that this weird anecdote he told in the interview was meant to be a marketing move for Damon’s new film Stillwater, in which he plays a good ole boy (some might uncharitably compare his character to a Trump voter) who’s trying to save his queer daughter.

I guess, perhaps, he and his team may have thought that offering a “teaching moment” through an instance of Damon being homophobic and his daughter schooling him on it and Damon being open to changing and learning and how we’re all imperfect would be a great way of underlining his character’s story.

I don’t know if that’s true, and normally, I’d be disinclined to believe that PR folks behind a major motion picture would be that terribly oblivious, but then again, I also didn’t expect to get online this week and find out that Matt Damon, more or less, admitted he still says “faggot” in the year of our Lord twenty-twenty-one.

Call me naive. That’s fine. I’m definitely feeling naive lately.

When I wrote on Twitter about my disappointment and sadness over this, I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised to see some well-meaning straight and cisgender folks pop up in my mentions to inform me that I shouldn’t be sad and that this is a really good thing.

“He’s admitting he’s wrong! Isn’t that what we should all want? Why are you sad?”

I’m glad he admitted he’s wrong. I’m glad that Matt Damon, who has been working around LGBTQ folks for more than three decades, who has a long track record of considerable humanitarian work and political advocacy, has now landed on the conclusion that using the word “faggot” is wrong.

Sigh.

Let me tell you: if this had played out in the same exact way with a prominent conservative, I don’t think these same folks would be so kind and understanding in their response.

I’m also not saying that Matt Damon is any way, shape, or form like some social conservative hellbent on marginalizing LGBTQ people.

I don’t think Matt Damon hates LGBTQ people, and I don’t think he would ever call me a “faggot”. I have no problem believing he wants full equality for LGBTQ people.

But here’s my question for everyone: if Matt Damon is struggling to understand something this basic, what does that say about other grown, cis, straight white men who are navigating our changing world?

I have a feeling the folks who were defending Damon were, in fact, defending the white, straight, cis men in their lives who say problematic or borderline or outright offensive things occasionally.

What these folks don’t understand is that their brother/uncle/dad/grandpa isn’t Matt Damon, and what should be “obvious” to Matt Damon — with all the exposure he’s had to other people, his experiences, his privilege, his success in the arts — isn’t necessarily so for the garden variety white guy who says something hurtful.

That’s why it feels especially discouraging to me. Because Matt Damon should know better, and I believe he does. He just didn’t care enough about it to do the right thing and stop using the word.

And if Matt Damon, full-well knowing it’s wrong, doesn’t care enough to stop using a homophobic slur, what does that say about white men who don’t have his privilege and experience?

There are also folks who claim that this will make it easier for the white, straight, cis men in their lives to be more vulnerable about curbing their own homophobia.

I really do think that’s a nice thought, but I’m not so optimistic. I think this could work the exact opposite way.

I think men like your dad/uncle/grandpa could see Damon say all this and think:

"Wow, even I don't say that word, and bleeding heart Damon does. I'm way ahead of the curve on this one. Maybe I'm not overthinking trans kids playing sports. Maybe my moral compass is doing just fine."

I can feel the exasperation of some of you reading this. You’re so tired of LGBTQ equality being debated, and now, not only is there no end in sight but it turns out some of your loved ones aren’t really open to change and that’s coming to a head, as very public incidents like this remind you.

So, you feel the need to contextualize and anesthetize and go into a broader conversation about how we’re all imperfect and trying our best.

But we’re not all trying our best, are we?

Let’s at least admit that.

---

Hi, I’m Charlotte Clymer, and this is Charlotte’s Web Thoughts, my Substack. It’s completely free to access and read, but if you feel so moved to support my writing, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription: just $7/month or save money with the $70/annual sub. You can also go way above and beyond by becoming a Founding Member at $210.

You can also follow my work on Twitter.