I'm sorry you had to write this. I will be thinking of more ways I can work being a better cis ally into conversations with cis people. Hope you have a lovely day talking to people about your amazing writing, fashion sense, political acumen, and whatever else you enjoy. Sending love and appreciation as always.
I don't know about others, but way back when I was a child I learned that I should never ask people about medical matters, that it's just not good manners. I learned this lesson well before 1960, I am positive. Maybe it's a generational thing, but I was taught that often I should not ask questions that pop up in my head willy nillly. I learned that I should always put myself in the position of the person with whom I am conversing, and if I think it might embarrass or bother me in any way to have that question popped on me, I should not ask the question of another.
Empathy is not that hard to learn, Americans. What is wrong with our country that we don't behave with appropriate respect and empathy when out in public.
Now, if you are my friend, I would happily let you bend my ear about most anything you want to talk about; and if you are wandering around with a big ol' piece of spinach on your front tooth, I would definitely tell you about it, even if we were only well acquainted. But if we don't know one another, I have no business asking much more than "How do you do?" (Note, I would not say anything about the spinach to a stranger, and in my opinion, no one should.)
So, listening to this blog post by Charlotte, who I know to be outspoken and well nigh fearless in debate, I cringed.
No one who is not a person's confidant has any business asking questions of a personal nature, period, and for any parents who are reading this, please teach your children as much, immediately, no matter how old they are. And even one's closest friends have no business prying in ways that might cause a friend's disease, and I use that word advisedly. Trauma can be caused by words, and one needs to remember that words do matter, at all times, in all situations. We should never cause hurt, and the best way to do that is to choose all words very carefully.
I would much prefer that I be in a conversation where the "F-bomb" is dropped a million times, than in a conversation in which someone is being inappropriately interrogated.
As a breast cancer survivor, I tend to mount my soapbox with all my friends about the importance of regular self exams and mammograms. I try really hard not to be jerk about it. Hugs
That was eight years ago, and like everything else it feels like marginalized people are being further marginalized by cis privileged white fragility.
I really like the idea of “If you see a Nazi, punch them in the face!” And here it’s “If a cis person asks a trans person about their genetalia, punch them in the face.”
I'm sorry you had to write this. I will be thinking of more ways I can work being a better cis ally into conversations with cis people. Hope you have a lovely day talking to people about your amazing writing, fashion sense, political acumen, and whatever else you enjoy. Sending love and appreciation as always.
Thank you, Charlotte.
I hope to live long enough so that these questions are as rare as 8-track players.
If you ever get up to Cape Cod, please let me buy you that drink.
You never cease to impress me with your ability to communicate about the impossible. 💪🏼💙
Beautifully put.
I don't know about others, but way back when I was a child I learned that I should never ask people about medical matters, that it's just not good manners. I learned this lesson well before 1960, I am positive. Maybe it's a generational thing, but I was taught that often I should not ask questions that pop up in my head willy nillly. I learned that I should always put myself in the position of the person with whom I am conversing, and if I think it might embarrass or bother me in any way to have that question popped on me, I should not ask the question of another.
Empathy is not that hard to learn, Americans. What is wrong with our country that we don't behave with appropriate respect and empathy when out in public.
Now, if you are my friend, I would happily let you bend my ear about most anything you want to talk about; and if you are wandering around with a big ol' piece of spinach on your front tooth, I would definitely tell you about it, even if we were only well acquainted. But if we don't know one another, I have no business asking much more than "How do you do?" (Note, I would not say anything about the spinach to a stranger, and in my opinion, no one should.)
So, listening to this blog post by Charlotte, who I know to be outspoken and well nigh fearless in debate, I cringed.
No one who is not a person's confidant has any business asking questions of a personal nature, period, and for any parents who are reading this, please teach your children as much, immediately, no matter how old they are. And even one's closest friends have no business prying in ways that might cause a friend's disease, and I use that word advisedly. Trauma can be caused by words, and one needs to remember that words do matter, at all times, in all situations. We should never cause hurt, and the best way to do that is to choose all words very carefully.
I would much prefer that I be in a conversation where the "F-bomb" is dropped a million times, than in a conversation in which someone is being inappropriately interrogated.
As always, your thoughts are important, & your writing is exquisite. Thank you. If you’re ever in Whitefish, Montana, cocktails are on me.
Thank you, as always, for your insight, empathy, and kindness.
As a breast cancer survivor, I tend to mount my soapbox with all my friends about the importance of regular self exams and mammograms. I try really hard not to be jerk about it. Hugs
So proud of you Charlotte for writing this. I remember Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera’s interview with Katie Couric illustrating just how horrible cis folx asking trans folx about their genitals is. https://www.salon.com/2014/01/07/laverne_cox_artfully_shuts_down_katie_courics_invasive_questions_about_transgender_people/
That was eight years ago, and like everything else it feels like marginalized people are being further marginalized by cis privileged white fragility.
I really like the idea of “If you see a Nazi, punch them in the face!” And here it’s “If a cis person asks a trans person about their genetalia, punch them in the face.”