Thank you for this. I know the room from where you write this. I know the furniture, the lighting, the closed door, and the sounds of life coming from outside. I know the feeling of having your soul scooped out of you because it doesn’t feel human to know your mother hates you. I know that my salvation, or something that feels like salvation, had to come from other people than from my family. In fact, I had to start all over and choose a family. Thank you for inviting us into your room today. I like it there❤️
Thank you. I had a strained relationship with both of my parents, and ended up in, well, not quite a caregiver position so much as a care manager position. Hard, very hard. I cringe reading all the paeans to mothers each year because I know there are people like me and like you, who by the sounds had it far worse, for whom this day is not one of flowers and pancakes in bed.
Charlotte, thank you for sharing this struggle. There is no way to fill the void. But sharing your pain with those who love you does help.
Father’s Day is the tough one for me. And the struggle I had every June was debilitating. Until I sat with my husband and explained why the random Sunday in June was never a celebration for me. He listened and validated me. It did not erase the anguish of my growing up in an abusive situation, but I was not alone with it anymore. It helped to have someone understand. I hope you find that too.
Beautiful writing, Charlotte. I’m sitting in the hospital with my son who is planning his funeral and preparing to say goodbye to his beloved family. I’m so grateful to have this time with him and I am hurting for those who haven’t had a loving relationship with their children or parents.
Beautifully written and I understand your position. For me, it's Father's Day. I hope that one day you can write about it all and that writing it down and publishing it helps.
I love that last line, "You always deserved better." I am 68 and still have not convinced myself that I "deserved better" than to be treated as the 'red-headed step-child' that ruined both my parents' lives. Because I was born. I always knew there was *something* wrong with me, but never knew it was just because I was born that was the problem. Mother's Day has always been fraught with guilt and obligation for that reason. Thank you for seeing the rest of us through your own pain. There are times when even ones' siblings don't understand. <3
It didn't hurt as much reading my thoughts professed through your writing, thank you.
Healing thoughts being sent to you dear Charlotte, you deserved better but still managed to soar! Congratulations for your strength, you will know when it's the exact right time to put things in to print.
Thank you, Charlotte, for sharing your pain, your thoughts, and your understanding that everyone has different experiences and emotions surrounding Mother’s Day. It is a difficult day for me, for several reasons, and a difficult day for so many others. May you find peace today.
Thank you for your bravery, dear Charlotte. For similar reasons I hate Father’s Day, so I’m with you on this. We can’t heal what we can’t name, and I appreciate what it takes to be this candid about something we are all supposed to “celebrate.”
I am glad to see you bring this issue out into the open. There are many people with parents who were abusive and hurtful to their children. Somehow we need to hold these two ideas simultaneously: honoring parents and the role they play and recognizing the truth that some have inflicted lasting pain on their children.
I was very lucky to have loving parents - my mother died when I was 11 and my dad when I was 25. These holidays are painful, and I still see how fortunate I am.
Sending so much love to you, and everyone who struggles on these days. ❤️
I thankfully had decent parents, so even though my experience is different from yours, I can understand where you are coming from. When you are able to write about your mother, I think that it will help you mentally and emotionally. We need to be honest with ourselves. I hope you can find peace.
Charlotte,
Thank you for this. I know the room from where you write this. I know the furniture, the lighting, the closed door, and the sounds of life coming from outside. I know the feeling of having your soul scooped out of you because it doesn’t feel human to know your mother hates you. I know that my salvation, or something that feels like salvation, had to come from other people than from my family. In fact, I had to start all over and choose a family. Thank you for inviting us into your room today. I like it there❤️
Thank you. I had a strained relationship with both of my parents, and ended up in, well, not quite a caregiver position so much as a care manager position. Hard, very hard. I cringe reading all the paeans to mothers each year because I know there are people like me and like you, who by the sounds had it far worse, for whom this day is not one of flowers and pancakes in bed.
I felt this. So much. Thank you, Charlotte, for writing what many of us feel, but hide. Hugs.
Charlotte, thank you for sharing this struggle. There is no way to fill the void. But sharing your pain with those who love you does help.
Father’s Day is the tough one for me. And the struggle I had every June was debilitating. Until I sat with my husband and explained why the random Sunday in June was never a celebration for me. He listened and validated me. It did not erase the anguish of my growing up in an abusive situation, but I was not alone with it anymore. It helped to have someone understand. I hope you find that too.
Much love and hope for better tomorrows.
Beautiful writing, Charlotte. I’m sitting in the hospital with my son who is planning his funeral and preparing to say goodbye to his beloved family. I’m so grateful to have this time with him and I am hurting for those who haven’t had a loving relationship with their children or parents.
Beautifully written and I understand your position. For me, it's Father's Day. I hope that one day you can write about it all and that writing it down and publishing it helps.
I’m right there with you, Charlotte. I treasure the blessing so often bestowed by Connie Schultz: May the day land gently.
Charlotte, I share in your story. My mother was an alcoholic with no skills to protect my brother & I from her wicked, cruel husband.
Sending you love & support & a long, long hug from someone well old enough to be YOUR mother. I am proud of you & you are a gift to this world.
I love that last line, "You always deserved better." I am 68 and still have not convinced myself that I "deserved better" than to be treated as the 'red-headed step-child' that ruined both my parents' lives. Because I was born. I always knew there was *something* wrong with me, but never knew it was just because I was born that was the problem. Mother's Day has always been fraught with guilt and obligation for that reason. Thank you for seeing the rest of us through your own pain. There are times when even ones' siblings don't understand. <3
It didn't hurt as much reading my thoughts professed through your writing, thank you.
Healing thoughts being sent to you dear Charlotte, you deserved better but still managed to soar! Congratulations for your strength, you will know when it's the exact right time to put things in to print.
Thank you, Charlotte, for sharing your pain, your thoughts, and your understanding that everyone has different experiences and emotions surrounding Mother’s Day. It is a difficult day for me, for several reasons, and a difficult day for so many others. May you find peace today.
Thank you for going through with it this time. It means a lot to be seen.
Thank you for your bravery, dear Charlotte. For similar reasons I hate Father’s Day, so I’m with you on this. We can’t heal what we can’t name, and I appreciate what it takes to be this candid about something we are all supposed to “celebrate.”
I am glad to see you bring this issue out into the open. There are many people with parents who were abusive and hurtful to their children. Somehow we need to hold these two ideas simultaneously: honoring parents and the role they play and recognizing the truth that some have inflicted lasting pain on their children.
I was very lucky to have loving parents - my mother died when I was 11 and my dad when I was 25. These holidays are painful, and I still see how fortunate I am.
Sending so much love to you, and everyone who struggles on these days. ❤️
I thankfully had decent parents, so even though my experience is different from yours, I can understand where you are coming from. When you are able to write about your mother, I think that it will help you mentally and emotionally. We need to be honest with ourselves. I hope you can find peace.