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I’m 37, which means I’m in a period of my life in which many of my friends—if not most of them—either have kids or plan to have kids.
And I love it. I love to see the joy my friends are experiencing. I love baby showers. I love the chance to peruse through a registry and pick the perfect gift. I love it when my friends tell me about the latest thing their kids have done: things that make them proud, things that make them laugh, things that give them hope.
I am absolutely the friend who genuinely enjoys watching whatever videos and pics you captured of your kiddo doing something cute or hilarious, and you’re just dying to share it with someone.
I love occasionally babysitting my friends’ kids. I love spoiling them. I think it’s really wonderful when I get to play Aunt Charlotte.
I love all this because I think kids are awesome: their curiosity about the world, their general goofiness, their perspectives, their insatiable desire to learn, it’s all delightful.
Every child is our collective future. It’s why I gladly desire our taxes go to public schools in order for them to improve and thrive. It’s why I want guaranteed paid family leave for every family. It’s why I want accessible childcare and accessible housing options and universal health care.
It’s why I don’t want to live in a country that would ever punish a child for not being able to afford a school lunch or afterschool activities or basic school supplies.
Every investment in America’s children is an investment in our nation’s future, and by extension, it means I benefit directly from ensuring children have all they need to be happy, healthy, and productive citizens someday.
But I don’t want kids. There was a time when I did. At some point, I realized that I don’t see having children in my future, not because it’s not an option but solely due to my lack of desire to have children.
Maybe that’ll change someday. Maybe I’ll wake up one morning in the future and suddenly have the desire to be a parent. I’m not saying it won’t happen.
But I doubt it.
I don’t really feel the need to outline the reasons why I don’t want children. I think it’s more than enough to simply understand that about myself because that decision is up to me and only me. And no one else gets a say in that decision, and thus, no one else is entitled to an explanation for why I don’t want kids.
It is good enough that I simply don’t want kids. It is inherently sufficient that I don’t want to be a parent, for any reason.
In an interview with Tucker Carlson, Republican vice presidential candidate J.D. Vance stated his belief that our Democratic presidential nominee, Vice President Kamala Harris, is one of the “childless cat ladies” who “want to make the rest of the country miserable, too.”
He continued: “If you look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC, the entire future of the Democrats is run by people without children.”
Of course, this isn’t true on its face.
Vice President Harris is definitely a parent, and Vance’s comments so angered Kerstin Emhoff, the former wife of Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff, that she released a statement which included this: “For over 10 years, since Cole and Ella were teenagers, Kamala has been a co-parent with Doug and I. She is loving, nurturing, fiercely protective, and always present. I love our blended family and am grateful for it.”
Likewise, Secretary Buttigieg and Chasten Buttigieg are the parents of two beautiful children. When the Secretary recently appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, the beloved host asked him about Speaker Mike Johnson’s atrocious record on LGBTQ rights. The Secretary’s answer was absolutely perfect:
“Look, I’ll work with anybody who can help us get good transportation available to the American people, but—I don’t know, maybe we’ll just have him over. Our little house isn’t that far from the Capitol, and if you could see what it’s like when I come home from work and Chasten’s bringing the kids home from daycare or vice-versa and one of us is getting the mac ‘n’ cheese ready and one of us is microwaving those little freezer meatballs—that are a great cheat code if you got toddlers and you gotta feed them quickly—and they won’t take their shoes off and one of them needs a diaper change… everything about that is chaos, but nothing about that is dark. The love of God is in that household.”
(By the way, just as an aside, there are a wealth of great choices for the running mate of Vice President Harris, but can y’all see why I so badly want this man on the ticket?)
Anyway, I have no idea if Rep. Ocasio-Cortez wants kids someday, and it’s absolutely none of my business. Because that choice is hers, and hers alone. It’s very strange to me that anyone else would believe that is their business.
I love this country, and I’m proud to be an American — and I believe part of that means I have a responsibility to do my part in ensuring that every child in this country has whatever they need to grow up into well-rounded citizens. I take that seriously.
But I will damned if someone is gonna tell me or anyone else that we don’t matter because we don’t have children. I will not tolerate someone telling step-parents and adoptive parents and foster parents and anyone personally caring for children that they don’t and don’t matter.
Moreover, it's exceedingly weird and creepy and cruel when someone insists that a woman must bear children in order to meaningfully engage in public life.
Mr. Vance claims to be a follower of Christ, and that’s between him and God, but I gotta tell y’all: as a Christian myself, one who actually reads my Bible, his horrible and reductive views—on women, on childcare, on the worthiness of families that don’t look like his—are entirely abhorrent and bereft of Christ’s love.
I’m giving thanks that Vice President Kamala Harris and her family are showing the country that not all families need to look alike to be loved and respected and that not all women have to be alike to be truly free.
That’s the country I want every child to grow up in — where their worth is inherent and honored.
To me, that’s a country worthy of the children we all love.
If you agree, please consider donating to the Vice President’s campaign.
I Shouldn't Need to Have Children to Matter