I don’t think grooming is the wrong word at all. Having grown up surrounded by evangelicals and observing how they lead Sunday school and Bible studies for boys and girls, for example, I think grooming is the perfect word to describe how they operate in terms of preparing even very young girls and boys to internalize the defined roles of husband and wife.
Well written essay that helps me understand why some evangelicals (or others) would stay with their church for that sense of community. I have never felt this way, and never will. I'm on the autism spectrum and I'm very introverted so, by all measures, I'm pretty anti-social. I do attend family events, I speak to my relatives when they engage in conversations, but I'm there to see how everyone's doing, to listen to how their lives are going and to see how much my great nieces and nephews have grown. I'm retired now, after working 60+ weeks for a long time so I relish all of my alone time. I do need to learn about how a sense of loneliness impacts others as it seems to have become a bigger issue now; I just don't relate to it, but I do feel empathy for others. As the saying goes, I'm alone not lonely.
Really insightful. I enjoyed reading about your early experiences in the DC church, and how those invitations to dinner seemed to slide into territory that might be termed manipulative (or even "grooming"). Long ago I endured a series of encounters, as a very young wife and mother, with a certain Christian sect determined to "shape" me into a rigidly defined gender role. Your essay reminded me of that distant time (more than 50 years ago) -- and how uncomfortable and confused I often felt during those experiences. Loneliness and the desire to "belong" can make it difficult to break away from something we know is not life-sustaining (but is actually life-denying), no matter what age we are.
I can see where loneliness is a large factor in people joining the evangelical community! I’m Transgender myself,MTF, and while I was in the service in the seventies one of my younger brothers joined an evangelical church that was quite radical! After I was let out of the service, I actually went to his church a few times… they Scared The Shit Out of Me! This church was doing then what these monsters of 2024 are doing now! Thankfully my brother got away from them and the other wife he married(Tammy Fay’s Clone)! He’s still very active in his church but he’s found one that’s more normal than “WEIRD!” 🤭 His first wife is a very wonderful woman and is also LGBTQ!
Didn’t mean to make this so long, but yes I do believe that being isolated from others can drop ones inner defenses and leave them vulnerable to being indoctrinated into the modern Evangelicalism Web! 😞
I think you've hit the nail firmly on the head here. Between the Covid hears, and as more people work remotely (good grief, even the word "remotely" tells you what the experience is like), there is every reason to believe we will experience that separation from others to the point where people ARE "the others", i.e., not like US. And we know what happens then. Third places, the churches, cafes, parks, libraries, civic organizations, become important, but may oddly enough also feel more out-of-reach than ever. Our communities become online versions of same, but lacking that human interaction that allows us to really know someone.
This is a brilliant insight. Most of us are disinclined to think too deeply about most things - it takes too much effort - and all too many people don’t think too deeply about anything. And even if one is inclined to do so, when those deep thoughts conflict with the values and beliefs of the community with which one has bonded (as you have so articulately described), one will, likely subconsciously, suppress those thoughts in order to remain connected to one’s community. I myself am an older straight cisgender male who identifies as liberal but sometimes feels uncomfortable expressing non-“politically correct” views among people who identify as progressives, but having always lived in large cities with a diversity of opinions, I’ve never had the need to conform in order to avoid isolation. However, I can see how powerful this can be in more homogeneous communities.
Watch the documentary BATTLEGROUND for a behind-the-scenes master class in using the power of peer pressure through radical Theocracy creation. If you go to church twice a week and have fellowship & Bible study and prayer chains and telephone trees you are in constant proselytize-and-rededicate mode. Accountable to your group to save all the unborn babies until That IS Your Real Religion and you will stop at nothing to end women’s options.
Good morning, Charlotte! My first read as a subscriber. I so appreciate your perspective. As a member of a congregation that was previously evangelical to the extent I was uncomfortable (yet reluctant to leave the status quo), I'm happy to say that, after a tumultuous split ten years ago, we are a happy group that welcomes all. Progress!! We do not all see things through the same lens, and we accept that fact. That's important to me -- especially as the mother of a trans woman.
If you're ever in the Richmond, VA area on a random Sunday, I'd love for you to visit the church.
Terrific post, Charlotte! Of course, the Protestant Reformation is, in large part, responsible for our "loneliness," by emphasizing the individual's responsibility for his/her/their own salvation and relationship with God rather than depending on a community (the RC Church and its hierarchy) for one's salvation.
After a while, both God and community disappeared from the equation, leaving us all to individually seek "life, liberty, an the pursuit of happiness" by ourselves. Alone.
Are you ever in San Francisco? Please visit us at St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church if you are.
Charlotte, thank you for another insightful essay. I have consistently wondered how young women in particular would be interested in returning to the gender roles of the past. I have a friend whose sister in the ‘80’s joined an evangelical church- my friend said she could see what her future brother in law saw in this throwback traditional gender role model, but couldn’t for the life of her figure out what attracted her sister.
I’m hoping that the Harris Walz ticket’s inclusive nature and positive vision for the future will inspire more disaffected voters. My elderly, lonely mother in law, who has outlived two men, almost all of her friends and relatives of her generation was so enthralled by the DNC. She told me that they (Harris and Walz) seem like family to her. She misses seeing them every night on tv. She doesn’t like to go to the local senior center, but daily goes to WalMart and DrugMart to see her “friends”- staff members. Even our daily phone calls can’t keep her from feeling lonely.
Belonging to any church is a way of connecting with others in community. But it's sad when the grooming starts. I was raised in an extremely strict Catholic family, but broke free when I left for college. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever become a member of any church again. I don't miss it, TBH.
The Today Explained podcast has a recent episode called Minion Jesus, that also talks about the source of the idea that Trump is a savior of Christianity, sent by God.
I don’t think grooming is the wrong word at all. Having grown up surrounded by evangelicals and observing how they lead Sunday school and Bible studies for boys and girls, for example, I think grooming is the perfect word to describe how they operate in terms of preparing even very young girls and boys to internalize the defined roles of husband and wife.
Well written essay that helps me understand why some evangelicals (or others) would stay with their church for that sense of community. I have never felt this way, and never will. I'm on the autism spectrum and I'm very introverted so, by all measures, I'm pretty anti-social. I do attend family events, I speak to my relatives when they engage in conversations, but I'm there to see how everyone's doing, to listen to how their lives are going and to see how much my great nieces and nephews have grown. I'm retired now, after working 60+ weeks for a long time so I relish all of my alone time. I do need to learn about how a sense of loneliness impacts others as it seems to have become a bigger issue now; I just don't relate to it, but I do feel empathy for others. As the saying goes, I'm alone not lonely.
Really insightful. I enjoyed reading about your early experiences in the DC church, and how those invitations to dinner seemed to slide into territory that might be termed manipulative (or even "grooming"). Long ago I endured a series of encounters, as a very young wife and mother, with a certain Christian sect determined to "shape" me into a rigidly defined gender role. Your essay reminded me of that distant time (more than 50 years ago) -- and how uncomfortable and confused I often felt during those experiences. Loneliness and the desire to "belong" can make it difficult to break away from something we know is not life-sustaining (but is actually life-denying), no matter what age we are.
I can see where loneliness is a large factor in people joining the evangelical community! I’m Transgender myself,MTF, and while I was in the service in the seventies one of my younger brothers joined an evangelical church that was quite radical! After I was let out of the service, I actually went to his church a few times… they Scared The Shit Out of Me! This church was doing then what these monsters of 2024 are doing now! Thankfully my brother got away from them and the other wife he married(Tammy Fay’s Clone)! He’s still very active in his church but he’s found one that’s more normal than “WEIRD!” 🤭 His first wife is a very wonderful woman and is also LGBTQ!
Didn’t mean to make this so long, but yes I do believe that being isolated from others can drop ones inner defenses and leave them vulnerable to being indoctrinated into the modern Evangelicalism Web! 😞
I think you've hit the nail firmly on the head here. Between the Covid hears, and as more people work remotely (good grief, even the word "remotely" tells you what the experience is like), there is every reason to believe we will experience that separation from others to the point where people ARE "the others", i.e., not like US. And we know what happens then. Third places, the churches, cafes, parks, libraries, civic organizations, become important, but may oddly enough also feel more out-of-reach than ever. Our communities become online versions of same, but lacking that human interaction that allows us to really know someone.
This is a brilliant insight. Most of us are disinclined to think too deeply about most things - it takes too much effort - and all too many people don’t think too deeply about anything. And even if one is inclined to do so, when those deep thoughts conflict with the values and beliefs of the community with which one has bonded (as you have so articulately described), one will, likely subconsciously, suppress those thoughts in order to remain connected to one’s community. I myself am an older straight cisgender male who identifies as liberal but sometimes feels uncomfortable expressing non-“politically correct” views among people who identify as progressives, but having always lived in large cities with a diversity of opinions, I’ve never had the need to conform in order to avoid isolation. However, I can see how powerful this can be in more homogeneous communities.
Watch the documentary BATTLEGROUND for a behind-the-scenes master class in using the power of peer pressure through radical Theocracy creation. If you go to church twice a week and have fellowship & Bible study and prayer chains and telephone trees you are in constant proselytize-and-rededicate mode. Accountable to your group to save all the unborn babies until That IS Your Real Religion and you will stop at nothing to end women’s options.
Good morning, Charlotte! My first read as a subscriber. I so appreciate your perspective. As a member of a congregation that was previously evangelical to the extent I was uncomfortable (yet reluctant to leave the status quo), I'm happy to say that, after a tumultuous split ten years ago, we are a happy group that welcomes all. Progress!! We do not all see things through the same lens, and we accept that fact. That's important to me -- especially as the mother of a trans woman.
If you're ever in the Richmond, VA area on a random Sunday, I'd love for you to visit the church.
Terrific post, Charlotte! Of course, the Protestant Reformation is, in large part, responsible for our "loneliness," by emphasizing the individual's responsibility for his/her/their own salvation and relationship with God rather than depending on a community (the RC Church and its hierarchy) for one's salvation.
After a while, both God and community disappeared from the equation, leaving us all to individually seek "life, liberty, an the pursuit of happiness" by ourselves. Alone.
Are you ever in San Francisco? Please visit us at St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church if you are.
500 DeHaro Street, SF 94107; www.saintgregorys.org
Services at 8:30 and 10:30 am most Sundays: the choir sings at 10:30 only.
Charlotte, thank you for another insightful essay. I have consistently wondered how young women in particular would be interested in returning to the gender roles of the past. I have a friend whose sister in the ‘80’s joined an evangelical church- my friend said she could see what her future brother in law saw in this throwback traditional gender role model, but couldn’t for the life of her figure out what attracted her sister.
I’m hoping that the Harris Walz ticket’s inclusive nature and positive vision for the future will inspire more disaffected voters. My elderly, lonely mother in law, who has outlived two men, almost all of her friends and relatives of her generation was so enthralled by the DNC. She told me that they (Harris and Walz) seem like family to her. She misses seeing them every night on tv. She doesn’t like to go to the local senior center, but daily goes to WalMart and DrugMart to see her “friends”- staff members. Even our daily phone calls can’t keep her from feeling lonely.
Belonging to any church is a way of connecting with others in community. But it's sad when the grooming starts. I was raised in an extremely strict Catholic family, but broke free when I left for college. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever become a member of any church again. I don't miss it, TBH.
The Today Explained podcast has a recent episode called Minion Jesus, that also talks about the source of the idea that Trump is a savior of Christianity, sent by God.
https://www.vox.com/today-explained-podcast
Or, in your podcast source, see Today Explained, August 28
It is ... A revelation.